r o b o t m i n i o n

A Somewhat comprehensive list of names we call or have called our dog, in addition to his actual name

Some may know that Turkey's AKC registered name is actually "The Earl of Turkey Sandwich." Some of you may also know that when you are over at our house we only occasionally call the dog Turkey or Turk for short. For the first year of his life with us, I'm fairly certain he thought his name was Turkeygoddamnit, but I'm sure that is not all that uncommon for a puppy of terrier persuasion.

The following is a list of names we use to talk to or to talk about our dog.

Dagobear
der doggen
ze dogge
dogface
Buster
Buster Bunny
Bunny face
Tacopants
Clownpants
Clownpants McGee
Monster Truck
Optimus Prime
Hefeweizen
Clownface
Nutkins McNoodlepants
Schnooky Bear
killer
Blanket Shark
Furry Nutsac
Fur-for-Brains
Idiot Patrol (can refer to multiple terriers)
Noodle Brain
Noodle Head
Fluffy Puffy
Princess Fluffy Puffy
Peanutbutter Addict
Noodlepants McGee
drunkalupagous
beer monger
bitchtits
bitchtits MGee
bizzle teats
Turkey-saurus
Munch

I'm sure I can add to this list.
Do not judge me. He answers to all of them.

Hook 'em Bucks

  Go Bucks 
  Originally uploaded by robotminion.

This week all we can do is look at each other and yell "TEXAS!!!! NIGHTGAME!!!" We'll be in the shoe tonight, screaming our heads off.

This weekend is also Turkey's Birthday. On Sunday, he'll be a year old. We've had him for 9 months of that time and I couldn't imagine what our lives would be like without him. (As I type this he is howling in in the background to protest being brushed...)

He'll probably get a few treats and maybe a new nylabone, but his real gift was a donation to the Humane Society of America to help all of the pets that have been caught in the hurricane. Every time the news does a story about all of the animals that were left behind, Turkey is right there to lick my face when I tear up.

Best. Dog. Ever.

Coining New Phrasage

In the last two days, I've come up with two new words that describe very common behaviours. I make no claims that these are original, just that I thought of them and haven't seen them anywhere before. Anyone who wants to do exhaustive research (or a google search) feel free to try to prove me wrong. Here they are

backlog - (noun) When you dog hasn't, ahem, gone in at least a day, possibly owing to the fact that he's been eating pinecones again. When he finally, ahem, goes 3 or 4 times in one evening, he is simply clearing his backlog.

buy-curious - (a state of being) When you need clothes for an event and you can't face going to the mall to actually look, so you browse all of the online stores to see if — for example — Banana Republic has anything that isn't purple or teal on sale before you commit to a trip to Easton.

Our neighbors think that Turkey is a funny name, Wait until they hear us call him "Lampshade Head"

Poor little guy.

Snip Snip

Tonight we are having a little party for our puppy. We're calling it a "Bris," even though, it's not technically correct, and we're not Jewish. It's still the closest thing we could think of.

We plan to have cocktails, and sit around and watch the Westminster Dog Show so that Turkey may have one last chance to ogle all of the hot bitches. For you see, tomorrow, our dear Turkey will visit his Veterinarian, and leave a little lighter.

Or as my iCal says: "Turkey: snip snip."

We're hoping that this will calm Turk down just a bit. This weekend, he figured out that he can go upstairs. We had two good months of having a ranch-level dog, but now there is no stopping him. Last night, to wear his little puppy-ass out before bedtime, we played Monkey-in-the-Middle with a rope toy on the stairs. He kept at it for a remarkably long time.

Last night at the Westminster, the Wire Fox didn't win the breed but Turk thought she was hot. Enjoy it while you can, buddy.

When only the strongest dog training collar will do

This weekend, at Turkey's obedience class, they decided that because he only listens about 50% of the time when we correct him, we needed to graduate to a nastier collar.

The last time he was there, they issued the choke collar. On Saturday, the got medieval on his ass.

Enter into our lives the Herm Sprenger Prong Collar, German torture device for dogs.

Theoretically, I have a problem with the collar. It turns out that I am only about 80% hard-ass when it comes to training the dog. I'll correct him, but all I really want to do is let him crawl in my lap and snuggle. And that dog is a snuggler. Luckily for all of us, Turkey's other owner is 100% hard-ass. I think the dog does listen to the boy better than me, and I keep trying to use that as motivation to be a hard(er) ass.

It doesn't help that the only dogs I see in the park wearing those collars are pit bulls, dobermans, and mastiffs. So far, we've only used it on Turkey a handful of times, but he is actually walking correctly on the "Heel" command, and seems to completely forget (at least for awhile) his leash-ninja ways.

I keep waiting for all of the Goodale Park Dog Owners Unsolicited Advice Club to give me horrified looks and tell me how I'm killing my dog. Last week, we were sagely told that "Dogs kept on leashes are naturally meaner because they feel like they have something to prove to the other dogs." That was after the man's dog snapped unprovoked at Turkey. Yeah man, leashes. Dude, they like kill.

Supporting Cast

For this past Christmas, the most wonderful boy in the world (a statement completely void of irony) did something that we've been threatening to do since about day three of our relationship. He upped and bought me a dog.

Last year, for my 26th birthday, he came to pick me up for a very nice dinner out, carrying a box with air holes cut out. It was a puppy-sized box. Inside the box was a stuffed dog. While I was glad that I didn't have to kill him for getting a dog without talking to me first, I was also really dissapointed that he hadn't gotten a dog without talking to me first.

This year, after a really hard Autumn Quarter, we just decided that we were going to go for it. We did some research, looked at breeds (we had it narrowed down to two) and found an awesome breeder 2 1/2 hours away in Connorsville, Indiana. We drove through a small snowstorm on a Sunday morning, stayed at this gracious woman's house for almost five hours, and came back with Turkey.

As soon as we were in cell phone range, we called just about every person we knew. Turkey slept the whole way home. He had no idea what he was getting into.